What matters most

I’ve learned the hard way to lower my expectations on people I care about. When things turn sour and communications go bad between me and my friends, I’ve stopped asking, “Why is this happening? Does s/he hate me? Is it really me or him/her? What should do to make things better?”

Nowadays, I still try to do what I can do to fix things, but I’m no longer a person that would do whatever it takes to make things work with others. I trust my judgment instead of questioning it.

Things change.

People move on.

I must let go.

May it be the distance that comes in between, the priorities that has different selection and judgment, or whatever the cause is…

I keep telling myself, “Nothing stays the same.”

I’ve learned not to expect much.

I’ve learned not to demand updates and news.

I have to face the fact that sometimes it’s okay to be the last one to know, or perhaps to not know anything. I’ve learned not to care.

Yet, when it comes to family, it really breaks my heart to stay silent, to be not knowing, to keep closed eyes and ears. I’m far from them, I know that. But I still put them on my top priorities. No matter how busy I am with work, with my own problems, with my personal life, I’m still resolute that my family comes first. I don’t want to be a person who takes her family for granted.

So when someone in the family that I care so much said, “You don’t have to know everything. You’re not here. You don’t understand what’s been happening….”

I could not do anything, but cry in silence.

I had never, ever, felt so alone in my life before.

I don’t believe in many things, but I still believe in sharing things with family, with taking care of each other, with opening the door of time a little even though life demands pressing on my back.

Is that really, too much to ask?


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