When it hurts, it just hurts

Sometimes kindness that people have, makes them forgot to mind their own business.

I’m always frightening with the things in the future that you have no control of. Because you just know, there is nothing that can prepare you for or from pain, regardless how many times it has happened to you before. Just because you’ve been hurt or walked down the road of broken dreams before, it doesn’t mean that you won’t cry when that road shoved right before your very eyes again. Some people seem to think that just because a person is strong, then that person can withstand anything.

What is the definition of strong, anyway?

Some of us believe that it’s better to hurt those who we think can stand tall while taking the blow, rather than hurting others who we deem weaker. Some even sacrifice their own happiness and dreams while doing this.

Mere justification? You tell me.

Let’s go back to the pain. As I said, nothing can prepare you for or from pain. When it hurts, it just hurts. Sometimes, when the pain is so unbearably bad, all you can do is give yourself a space or for some religious friends, maybe leave it up to the big man upstairs to ease the pain away. Because you know, no matter how much comfort you get from those around you, only you know what’s going on inside. In this instance, maybe it’s best to let time take over and do its job of helping you to let go.

Losing part of you again is always the hardest. I wish I could say that everything is going to be alright because I know it won’t be for a while. I cant tell myself that I have to be strong because even though I’m smiling to the world, deep down inside, I’m not. Cry. Cry as hard as I could. Because that is the only thing, I could do for now.

Amsterdam, March 29, 2018


Feeling uninspired

I have a writer’s block. I have been staring my laptop screen, and cant move pass the first paragraph. It kinda sucks because this paper has a significant portion of my grades. I told the professor that I felt uninspired. Not only by the topics but also with the whole shitty subject. He just felt sorry for me because I have to pass the class in order to be able to obtain my diploma in the summer. So, I can move on to a better school.

It’s sunny here in Amsterdam. So I decided to pack my bag, laptop, and all my reading materials and find a place to park my ass in the city where I can sit, enjoy the weather and doing what I do best. People watching. Hopefully, I can get some inspiration to write something on my paper.

At this moment, I am just scrambling my mind and writing whatever on my blog.

I hope I can meet the deadline…


Three days ago, I went to Hudson’s Bay with my classmates. One of them was looking for a new crossbody bag. When we went to the bags section in the basement, I saw in the middle of the room Louis Vuitton bags. A lot of them. I knew for sure that Louis Vuitton has only two stores in Amsterdam. Knowing that Hudson’s Bay sells LV’s bags, it got me curious. So, I went straight to the bags. I looked at them and the price tags. One of them was €1,200. But it didn’t look new. Then I asked the saleswoman, whether these are secondhand bags. She answered it’s vintage. ppfftt… sure. Vintage my ass.

I hate that word. Vintage. They used the word “vintage” for something that has been used by other people. Seriously? It used stuff. I don’t believe that secondhand stuff can be vintage. I have difficulty to chew and digest the word. For someone who used to be poor and wore many handout clothes, I made a promise to myself that my goal in life is never wearing another used, or handout stuffs ever again, moreover to buy one. So the idea spending thousands of euros for “vintage” bag, it’s ridiculous. I prefer to buy €10 new bag than €1,200 old bag. Branded or not.  Thanks but no thanks. Besides, if I really wanted to buy bags with that price. I’m sure there are many new bags in that price range.

The Sunken Chip

Reviewing this place is hard and a little bit painful for me. Because I’ve been following their instagram since 2016 and it has been featured in so many big magazines or newspapers. So, I kinda have high hopes for the food that they are serving. What can go wrong, right?

My husband and I, we love fish ‘n chips. I mean, love it a lot! I have been telling him about this place and how much I wanted to try eating here. Finally, when we went to Paris, the first stop that we’ve made, this place. I was too excited to be here. We saw the menu, and we chose the classic fish ‘n chips.

However, when the food arrived, I was disappointed and a little bit heartbroken. It didn’t lift up my expectation. First of all, I didn’t know that the batter was beer batter. I have malt intolerance so that beer would be a big no no for me. This was my biggest mistake because I didn’t check it first. But still, it didn’t justify the taste. It wasn’t as good as I thought would be. Secondly, the fries were soggy with oil. My husband is one of those people who rarely give a comment or complain about anything. This time he complained. He said this would be the first and the last. I couldn’t agree more for this. I was very sad when I ate my food. I couldn’t finish it anyway because I started to feel numb on my lips.


Oh well, sometimes it can be hit or miss, right?